Listen, I'm feeling better right now than I have in a couple of years. I always felt fat (and was thick) through high school. When I went to college, at a really nice Christian college, I was teased about the size of my breasts. After college, I carried that with me, embarrassed. I began to run and diet incessantly. I lost alot of weight and got alot of attention. And I felt wanted.
I'm a nomad, by nature, and when my ghosts of the past would see me- the reaction was timeless. Then I settled into a relationship with a younger guy whose friends thought that my womanly (and trim, honest!) body was subpar.
I married him.
He never showed me off. He was never proud of me.
And I loved him more. And loved me less.
And he made sure that I knew I wasn't the best in his eyes.
And I got pregnant. My love for my unborn was far greater than my love for him- and me. After numerous beatings over time, he tried to suffocate me. I decided that my unborn was more important than him. It wasn't until later that I decided that I was more important than him. And I left him.
Well, technically I kicked him out. He left town. I was seven weeks pregnant. He had known for two. I had endured three beatings in the time that he knew.
Fuck him.
I gained alot of weight in my pregnancy. I haven't gotten it off yet. I'm embracing my beauty. I really am beautiful. I have great curves and a personality that binds.
I'm intelligent, always have been.
I am empathetic to a fault. I can't stand to see someone in pain.
I give my time, talents, and testimony to anyone who can/will/may benefit.
My pain propells my passion.
He's never met my beautiful daughter. He never will.
Who's got the last laugh now?My daughter does...
and what a sweet, melodic, beautiful laugh it is.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Thoughts on The Secret
I've heard a lot about a book that's been out for a couple of years now called "The Secret." To my limited understanding, as I haven't read the book, it is about achieving your destiny. I've read in articles that it's about setting a goal, picturing it, and watching everything else fall into place. The essential idea is that your thoughts control the universe. Positive thinking and actions will reap positive benefits. This brings to mind some Biblical accounts.
The first of which is the general value that you reap what you sow. Mentioned many times in the Bible, the verse I like to focus on is Galatians 6, verse 7 and 8 (NIV) .
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. People reap what they sow. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
I believe that when positive energy is put into anything, positive results will emerge. This is something my parents taught me at a very young age. As a child, when my sisters and I had a chore, such as cleaning our room, we were taught to make this most of it. Make it a game. I remember challenging each other. Who can pick up the most red items and put them where they need to go in just one minute? Make the most of what's going on. To me, this is no secret.
In another Biblical instance, I'd like to refer to the farmer spreading his seeds in the gospel, particularly Matthew 13. The sower drops a few seeds along the way , some fell on rocky soil, and some fell on good soil. The end result to each was different, as expected. The seeds dropped along the way were eaten, never to become what they were intended. The seeds that fell on rocky soil sprang up quickly, but withered and died when the sun scorched them. The final seeds that were developed in good soil became a plentiful harvest, an abundant crop. When Jesus explained what it all meant, He defined the parable as the Message of Salvation. Not only does the "seed" need to be put on receptive "soil" but it has to be able to take root and receive nourishment to flourish. I'd like to take the liberty to say that even our destiny, being God given, must be nurtured in the right conditions. If a dream, goal, task-whatever- is not set into action the result will always be the same- a sun-scorched, dead seed that was never developed into what it was supposed to become. Yes, what is was supposed to become being it's "destiny."
I digress-
In the book, author Rhonda Byrne says that all achievements are owed to the laws of attraction. To my understanding she refers to noted successes such as Einstein, Plato, Newton and Edison. The book notes that if you believe something is to be, you need to picture it and receive it. Believe that it is already yours. Now, I've been in the church for eleven years now, studying the Bible in and out of church, Sunday school, Bible study, and in at Christian college. Although I can't recall an exact verse right now stating that this is a Biblical way to pray, I know that Jesus taught us to pray in such a way.
Believe, Ask, Receive.
As I've said, I have not read the book. When I originally heard of it, I was living in Hawaii and saw it on a bookshelf at the NEX. It wasn't in the "devotional" section. It was in the best sellers. Any one person who is claiming to know the secret to the universe that is in the best sellers section, I'm pretty skeptical of. I've still not formed a solid opinion, and will be able to fully once I've been able to read the book and digest it.
What I do know is that we, as a individuals, will never be able to form a truly fulfilled and honest "destiny" without the help of Our Lord.
In closing, I'll end with Paul's words to the people of Phillipi, a far away land in a far away time that is in the the same universe and under the same God that we serve now. The message is the same then and now. (Philippians 4:8)
Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent of praiseworthy, think about such things.
And in these thoughts, with God's help, love, compassion, and guidance, you can achieve not your destiny, but the destiny that the Lord has set into place for you in the beginning of days.
The first of which is the general value that you reap what you sow. Mentioned many times in the Bible, the verse I like to focus on is Galatians 6, verse 7 and 8 (NIV) .
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. People reap what they sow. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
I believe that when positive energy is put into anything, positive results will emerge. This is something my parents taught me at a very young age. As a child, when my sisters and I had a chore, such as cleaning our room, we were taught to make this most of it. Make it a game. I remember challenging each other. Who can pick up the most red items and put them where they need to go in just one minute? Make the most of what's going on. To me, this is no secret.
In another Biblical instance, I'd like to refer to the farmer spreading his seeds in the gospel, particularly Matthew 13. The sower drops a few seeds along the way , some fell on rocky soil, and some fell on good soil. The end result to each was different, as expected. The seeds dropped along the way were eaten, never to become what they were intended. The seeds that fell on rocky soil sprang up quickly, but withered and died when the sun scorched them. The final seeds that were developed in good soil became a plentiful harvest, an abundant crop. When Jesus explained what it all meant, He defined the parable as the Message of Salvation. Not only does the "seed" need to be put on receptive "soil" but it has to be able to take root and receive nourishment to flourish. I'd like to take the liberty to say that even our destiny, being God given, must be nurtured in the right conditions. If a dream, goal, task-whatever- is not set into action the result will always be the same- a sun-scorched, dead seed that was never developed into what it was supposed to become. Yes, what is was supposed to become being it's "destiny."
I digress-
In the book, author Rhonda Byrne says that all achievements are owed to the laws of attraction. To my understanding she refers to noted successes such as Einstein, Plato, Newton and Edison. The book notes that if you believe something is to be, you need to picture it and receive it. Believe that it is already yours. Now, I've been in the church for eleven years now, studying the Bible in and out of church, Sunday school, Bible study, and in at Christian college. Although I can't recall an exact verse right now stating that this is a Biblical way to pray, I know that Jesus taught us to pray in such a way.
Believe, Ask, Receive.
As I've said, I have not read the book. When I originally heard of it, I was living in Hawaii and saw it on a bookshelf at the NEX. It wasn't in the "devotional" section. It was in the best sellers. Any one person who is claiming to know the secret to the universe that is in the best sellers section, I'm pretty skeptical of. I've still not formed a solid opinion, and will be able to fully once I've been able to read the book and digest it.
What I do know is that we, as a individuals, will never be able to form a truly fulfilled and honest "destiny" without the help of Our Lord.
In closing, I'll end with Paul's words to the people of Phillipi, a far away land in a far away time that is in the the same universe and under the same God that we serve now. The message is the same then and now. (Philippians 4:8)
Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent of praiseworthy, think about such things.
And in these thoughts, with God's help, love, compassion, and guidance, you can achieve not your destiny, but the destiny that the Lord has set into place for you in the beginning of days.
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